A Semi-Definitive List of Worst Nightmares by Krystal Sutherland: Book Review

Ever since Esther Solar's grandfather was cursed by Death, everyone in her family has been doomed to suffer one great fear in their lifetime. Esther's father is agoraphobic and hasn't left the basement in six years, her twin brother can t be in the dark without a light on, and her mother is terrified of bad luck.

The Solars are consumed by their fears and, according to the legend of the curse, destined to die from them. 

Esther doesn't know what her great fear is yet (nor does she want to), a feat achieved by avoiding pretty much everything. Elevators, small spaces, and crowds are all off-limits. So are haircuts, spiders, dolls, mirrors and three dozen other phobias she keeps a record of in her semi-definitive list of worst nightmares. 

Then Esther is pickpocketed by Jonah Smallwood, an old elementary school classmate. Along with her phone, money and a fruit roll-up she d been saving, Jonah also steals her list of fears. Despite the theft, Esther and Jonah become friends, and he sets a challenge for them: in an effort to break the curse that has crippled her family, they will meet every Sunday of senior year to work their way through the list, facing one terrifying fear at a time, including one that Esther hadn't counted on: love.

SPOILER FREE REVIEW

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*Trigger warnings for anxiety, depression, and cutting*

“Anxiety felt like a grapnel anchor had been pickaxed into your back, one prong in each lung, one through the heart, one through the spine, the weight curving your posture forward, dragging you down to the murky depths of the sea floor. The good news was that you kind of got used to it after a while. Got used to the gasping, brink-of-heart-attack feeling that followed you everywhere. All you had to do was grab one of the prongs that stuck out from the bottom of your sternum, give it a little shake, and say, “Listen, asshole. We’re not dying. We have shit to do.”

It feels like a century since I had last found something which really resonated with all the internal struggles and pain that I've had to suffer throughout my whole life. A Semi-Definitive List Of Worst Nightmares encaptures the whole package deal that comes with the curse of anxiety and depression. I found myself relating to almost every second sentence and had originally sat down to read at least half of the novel two days before it was due for release - I feel terrible that I was not able to complete it sooner and have one heck of a review waiting for everyone to read and hear my thoughts on. However I'm glad I was able to spend the month returning every now and then to get a fix of a beautifully truthful and empowering novel. One thing that just made me instantly love this book as much as the actual content was the fact that Esther is a natural red-head with an array of freckles on her face, and Jonah basically resembles Finn from Star Wars: The Force Awakens almost exactly and I am so glad I was given that visual because that is exactly how I pictured him for the rest of the novel!

This shot that I posted to my Instagram story could not be more accurate!

Esther Solar is introduced to us vividly in the first few pages along with a few vital pieces of information:

1. Her family is cursed with developing unhealthy phobias which prevent them from being anything but a normal human being. 
2. She dresses in a spontaneous costume every day - on this particular day/night she is dressed as Red Riding Hood. 
3. Her mother, Rosemary, is afraid of bad luck, her father, Peter, is an agoraphobe and has lived in the basement for six years since his sudden confinement, and her brother, Eugene, is afraid of the darkness and and anything related to it. 
4. She is super gullible and too kind for her own good. 
5. She protested Dumbledore's death as a child for a week before the movie came out, even though the books were written years prior to the movie release. (She is a sweet little cinnamon roll!) 
6. We basically need to keep reading to find out why the hell Esther would somehow eventually fall in love with Jonah Smallwood - the guy who robs her of her grandmother's bracelet, iPhone, Fruit Roll-Up, library card, copy of The Godfather, her semi-definitive list of worst nightmares, AND her diginity, all within the time-frame of four minutes in a bus stop at night. (Trust me when I say that you will enjoy the hell out of these two characters together!)

If I am going to give an accurate review of this book, I'll have to point out how important the topics discussed in this novel are and why many of the creative analogies such as The Man Who Was Death, the curse on the family, and Esther's interpretation on the way love works backwards, all have deeper meanings that we might realise. I have taken photos of particular quotes that I resonated with personally and also felt like they needed a bit of recognition.

The hard truth with mental illnesses and disabilities, but it doesn't mean that everyone does. I just felt like this was a 'in the moment' quote that I could relate to a lot. People have given up on me before, but then there are people who haven't given up on me. Chad is a great example of someone who has stayed with me for four years, even though I have ADHD, anxiety/panic disorder, and an unknown joint disease that gives me pain on a daily basis and has rendered my legs useless multiple times before. I am forever grateful for him ❤

Jonah is the love interest/semi-hero that every other novel needs (and every person that needs a little push towards confidence and self love); the type of person that would take your deepest fears and throw them at you lovingly, all the while knowing very well (sorta) that you won't actually die if you face them. He is the one who gives Esther a reason to live - in saying that, she is not suicidal, she just doesn't live a very interesting life before she bands up with Jonah to face her fears every Sunday of the week until she reaches number fifty and finds out what she's really afraid of. I have to say that this book has truly inspired me to live my life no matter the fears that I face when I start to think about the real world. I honestly felt like I was living an adventure that was exhilarating and eye-opening at the same time. I was reminded that mental illness can almost feel like a curse and death can feel like a person that is just hanging around in the shadows waiting for you to say the okay, yet at the same time you can also tell them to just f**k off.

The caption on the photo is the only one that is needed.

If this book has taught me anything, it is to know that anxiety and depression will always be a tough fight, but it is possible to come out the other side eventually. There is no instant cure but it can be managed and it is important to remember that there are many other people who suffer from the same things, if not many other mental illnesses, as well. We're not alone in the world - we can choose to either let the pain subdue us or we can choose to rage a war against the darkness and make life something worth living, even if it means facing a few fears to find the light.

I've decided to present my own list of fears so that I might inspire someone else to do the same and show that we are not all invincible but we are all human (I do believe some of us are magical shapeshifting unicorns but that is besides the point).

Things that terrify me on a daily basis:

1. Loosing someone I love.
2. Heights.
3. Blood and anything to do with surgery or cut open skin. (UGH!)
4. Crossing busy roads. (I used to have panic attacks every morning walking to school)
5.  Depression creeping back up on me when I least expect it.
6. Panic attacks.
7. Wasps and hornets. (I have more faith that bees aren't a****les)
8. Not knowing what is wrong with me. (Currently going through this crisis)
9. I might die before I get the chance to accomplish my dream of becoming a best selling author and inspire others with my stories of struggle.
10. Living in a city surrounded by volcanoes that are due to erupt with 1.3 million people who may or may not care.
11. The possibility that my current life is really just a very long dream and I will wake up from a coma to a life I never wanted.
12. Loosing both my voice and my hearing. (Both are my sources of music which keep my depression at bay. See no. 5*)
13. New Zealand is a tiny country/island that could sink just like Hawai'ki did centuries ago. (I'm a big believer of Maori legends. Don't judge me!)
14. Donald Trump ruling the most powerful country in the world.
15. Racism. (It terrifies me because I've seen people be killed just because they're dark skinned and I have panic attacks thinking about loosing my partner, Chad, my daughter, Zoey, my brother, Devontaye, or anyone that I love just because their skin is darker)
16. WETAS! THEY ALL DESERVE TO DIE! (For those who don't know, they are a native species to New Zealand and are literally spawns of the devil. They are super hard to kill–I used a whole fly spray can and tried squashing one to no avail–and they make me sick!) I dare you to search the name on Google Images.

One fear I used to have but don't anymore?: I can take a photo with no makeup on and feel confident about it! Even if there is a book in front of my face in this one. Baby steps, guys. Baby steps.

I have given this novel 5 out of 5 stars because I have never read a book in my life that I have related to so much (Twilight doesn't count right now, okay?) and felt like it deserves a place on the modern classics table for future generations to study in school and refer to for inspirational quotes when life feels overwhelming and sometimes like nothing at all. Krystal Sutherland has definitely done everyone a huge service by writing such a beautiful story which will always stay close to our hearts. I will go to the ends of the earth to make sure this book does not become underrated in the bookish community. We need more relatable stories like this (as I've probably stated many times before) because so many people like myself need them when we're at our worst to sit down with and feel like we have a chance to be revived. I sat down a couple of weeks ago when I was drowning in stress and tears, and having Esther and Jonah to comfort my fears by facing their own gave me so much strength that I managed to avoid a panic attack. I ended up having one a few days later anyway but somehow I felt a little more hopeful afterwards when I reminded myself that so many people suffered the same way as me even for the simplest things like being in the presence of frogs, corn fields, or lobsters.

Krystal got all the nostalgic feels perfectly - I love little details like this one!

Thanks to A Semi-Definitive List Of Worst Nightmares, I am super keen to read Krystal's first novel, Our Chemical Hearts and fall in love with her writing all over again. I've always been interested in dipping into the genre of contemporary with my writing, so maybe Krystal's books will be the reason I run head first into action - no fear, no pain, just love, passion, and novels of inspiration.

Check out my Spotify playlist for

✮A Semi-Definitive List Of Worst Nightmares!✮

Thank you Penguin Random House NZ for the review copy!

Like and follow their links here:

Official Website: http://penguin.co.nz/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/PenguinBooks_NZ

Please contact any one of these helplines if you need help:

• LIFELINE: 0800 543 354 (available 24/7)
• SUICIDE CRISIS HELPLINE: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
• YOUTHLINE: 0800 376 633
• NEED TO TALK? Free call or text 1737 (available 24/7)
• KIDSLINE: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
• WHATSUP: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm)
• DEPRESSION HELPLINE: 0800 111 757

Are you suffering with a mental illness such as depression or anxiety? Here are some helpful links from BetterHelp that you can check out and find tips on how to live a happier life:

BetterHelp Advice - Anxiety
BetterHelp Advice - Depression
How To Deal with Depression: Tips, Techniques And Finding the Right Treatment

How Do I Find A Therapist Near Me?

10 Depression Quotes That May Change Your Life

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Frostblood by Elly Blake: Book Review

The first in a page-turning young adult fantasy series perfect for fans of Victoria Aveyard's Red Queen and Sarah J. Maas's Throne of Glass series.

In a land governed by the cruel Frostblood ruling class, seventeen-year-old Ruby is a Fireblood who has spent most of her life hiding her ability to manipulate heat and light - until the day the soldiers come to raid her village and kill her mother. Ruby vows revenge on the tyrannous Frost King responsible for the massacre of her people.

But Ruby's powers are unpredictable...and so are the feelings she has for Arcus, the scarred, mysterious Frostblood warrior who shares her goal to kill the Frost King, albeit for his own reasons. When Ruby is captured by the Frost King's men, she's taken right into the heart of the enemy. Now she only has one chance to destroy the maniacal ruler who took everything from her - and in doing so, she must unleash the powers she's spent her whole life withholding.

Frostblood is set in world where flame and ice are mortal enemies - but together create a power that could change everything.

SPOILER FREE REVIEW

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The only reason it took me nearly three weeks to finish this book was because I was constantly trying to keep up with my university work while also balancing other responsibilities at home with my family. I definitely found this book to be absolutely refreshing and delightful, although the overall feeling I got when finishing was between a happy but bittersweet ending and slight dissatisfaction. I had originally requested a review copy from Hachette New Zealand because I found the cover to be thoroughly enticing and the synopsis had given me Throne of Glass and Red Queen feels. It definitely lived up to my expectations but failed to soar beyond that point. Really I'm just trying to say that this was just an enjoyable read for those looking for something that will definitely be interesting and a safe read if you're trying to avoid or get out of a reading slump. Preferably also for those that might be new to YA fiction and need something that would introduce them to what we harbour in our little world of fantasy.

"The book says that a west wind will blow when the child of light is born, a powerful Fireblood who will fight the darkness and destroy it forever."

Ruby Otrera was a character that I liked almost instantly because of her fiery (no pun intended) attitude and soft heart (for the things that meant most to her like her mother or learning how to heal using herbal remedies). When the Frost King's soldiers come to take Ruby for being a Fireblood, they kill her mother and lock her away where she is kept isolated and weakened with cold buckets of water, until she is saved by a very powerful Frostblood monk and a mysterious young man, who also harbours a rough attitude, who goes by the name, Arcus.

I felt like this story was very well written considering the characters back stories and motivations, and Ruby definitely gave an all round convincing performance as a young girl with little control over her Fireblood power. Having the monk, Brother Thistle, and Frostblood warrior, Arcus, there to convince Ruby that her power is most likely the only way to defeat the Frost King and melt the Ice Throne, which supposedly holds a dark power that influences the mind of whoever sits on it is a great motivation for her to stay and prove that she can begin to wield her fire with absolute precision. This comes with a lot of training involving peaceful meditation and even a bit of sword fighting, which is a nice twist considering a lot of fantasy heroines who wield magical powers only stick to training with that power. If you consider Celaena Sardothien from Throne of Glass, she was already a trained assassin before she started learning to wield her power, so having a protagonist who has absolutely no knowledge of how to fight is a nice change.

"You don’t know the effect your words have on me, Lady Firebrand. It took years to build up this ice. You will melt it and then I will be broken."

The descriptions are vividly written and the fight scenes are simple but effective, plus I love how the castle of ice and throne with darkness inside was described. I really felt submerged within this novel - it is definitely a beautifully written story, however I would have liked if there were more information regarding the back stories of their people and their Gods and Goddesses. I know that some fantasy treads lightly considering the lore since it can get super detailed and too much to handle without a whole seperate handbook of information, but personally I love the heavy stuff. Maybe in the future something like that would be released and I would just fall in love with this series even more!

"But history could be twisted and warped to suit the person telling it."

I have rated this novel a 4 out of 5 stars because it was an all-round great read, however it seemed to fall flat of a satisfying ending, despite the fact that it was very satisfying with most of the conflict resolved. I love books that end with a cliffhanger but then I always seem to hope for a happy ending, so I can never really win, can I? *Facepalms and keeps sipping coffee*

Thank you Hachette NZ for the review copy!

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Go add Frostblood to your Goodreads list HERE

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Buy it on Book Depository with free shipping world wide HERE
Find it on the Hachette NZ website HERE

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Life and Death by Stephenie Meyer: Book Review

Celebrate the tenth anniversary of Twilight! This special double-feature book includes the classic novel, Twilight, and a bold and surprising reimagining, Life and Death, by Stephenie Meyer.

Packaged as an oversize, jacketed hardcover “flip book,” this edition features nearly 400 pages of new content as well as exquisite new back cover art. Readers will relish experiencing the deeply romantic and extraordinarily suspenseful love story of Bella and Edward through fresh eyes.

Twilight has enraptured millions of readers since its first publication in 2005 and has become a modern classic, redefining genres within young adult literature and inspiring a phenomenon that has had readers yearning for more. The novel was a #1 New York Times bestseller, a #1 USA Today bestseller, a Time magazine Best Young Adult Book of All Time, an NPR Best-Ever Teen Novel, and a New York Times Editor’s Choice. The Twilight Saga, which also includes New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn, The Short Second Life of Bree Tanner: An Eclipse Novella, and The Twilight Saga: The Official Illustrated Guide, has sold nearly 155 million copies worldwide.

SPOILER FREE REVIEW

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I just want to start off by specifying one major detail: if Twilight had not been the one book that introduced me to the world of sleepless nights and days (months) of carrying Breaking Dawn around high school like my own little bible (my mum actually confiscated all my Twilight books off of me eventually because she thought I was acting too much like Bella and it was taking over my life–to be fully honest, it kind of did), then this review may not have been so difficult to write. So I’ve decided to keep it as simple as I can by critiquing the simple things I found did and didn’t work–considering the fact that I don’t want to be overly biased by my love for the original series and still be thought to be a mostly reliable reviewer–but also state exactly why I ended up loving Life and Death much more than I thought I would.

I’ll start off by explaining why I did not start reading this book months earlier when I actually first received my review copy from Hachette NZ. I was caught up with so much university work, as you might have expected, that I was stuck on other books for a while and never got around to it.

The second reason was because I had heard a few complaints from a few other original fans of Twilight that made me feel worried that it might ruin the whole vibe for me and wouldn’t be the same.

The third reason is because when I first read Twilight, I read it with a new and innocent perspective – at that time I wasn’t exactly aware of any cheesy and typical tropes that may have already presented themselves in YA literature many times before then. At that time I had no clue about how to review a book then and–with full disclosure: because I don’t want to be lying to y’all about my supposed advanced skills with literature–I didn’t actually learn how to critique a piece of writing until I took my course in applied writing at university last year.

So with full honesty, I will say that I thoroughly enjoyed this book and will try to explain why without spoiling it for anyone that may feel like they want to give it a try.

It is a known fact that the prime reason this book exists is because Stephenie Meyer needed to come up with something new and interesting to present her readers with for Twilight’s 10^th year anniversary – this eventually transformed into her idea to completely flip the story by retelling it through swapping the gender of almost every character within. Surprisingly enough, she was able to pull it off successfully by editing the same version, taking a bunch of the main facts and switching them around to ensure the scenario where Bella would be a boy named Beaufort “Beau”, and Edward would be a girl named Edythe. At first I was too nervous to go any further than the first few chapters because it felt like an awkward move from the original to a weak and slightly altered story of a human boy that fell in love with a female vampire, which included a lot of the original dialogue and descriptions. Fortunately I decided that I was dedicated enough to my very first favourite YA series and its author to see how the rest would play out, which was when I also started to notice that Stephenie had gone to further lengths to actually change a lot more than words like he/his/him to she/hers/her, etc. Dialogue had been added along with scenes and actions altered that may not have been in Twilight. I didn’t really start to realise how much I would regret not having any more of Life and Death to read until I got closer to the end. If I say too much I might spoil it so I’ll just leave you all with that and a quick reminder that I am literally tearing my skin off trying not to explain myself. How are you meant to write a review about a book stating why you loved it if the main reason you loved it the most would spoil the whole thing? I guess I’ll only be able to say to read it and find out – you will be absolutely satisfied if you are an original Twilight fan! Shutting up exactly at this moment about this particular thing that I cannot say. Zipped!

Things that I LOVED about Life and Death!

·      CHAPTER 24. That is all I can say (*Laughs evilly and waits for everyone to read Life and Death too so they finally get in on the punch line*).

·      Edythe was so much more likeable than Edward in my opinion. She seemed to fit the emotional PMS episodes a little more so it was less annoying and more understandable. I felt less relatable to Beau, not just because he’s a boy. He overthinks things a lot less than Bella and is a bit rude to his friends when discussing Edythe or anything that he doesn’t want to talk about. Edythe made the first half of the book interesting and helped me feel like I wanted to read more.

·      Jessamine was also a bit more likeable and fit a bit better into the story than Jasper did (again, my own personal opinion!). I don’t know whether it was the whole female thing that made me like him better as a girl but it just fit much better to me and less distant. Archie, who is the male version of Alice, is a very relaxed and emotionally flexible individual so there was a smoother flow to the storyline and characters. Archie was intriguing as well but I wouldn’t say he or Alice were better than each other – both were awesome to read about.

·      McKayla (Mike), Erica (Eric), and Taylor (Tyler) all make really annoyingly funny girls. One of the things that really got my mind in a twist was trying to remember who was who but the fact that the guys from Twilight finally got their five minutes of fame as girls in their alternate universe made everything so much more worth the read. McKayla ended up being really emotional, jealous and overprotective over Beau, Erica was simply the same as Eric but just a little more female-like, and Taylor, just like Tyler, was the one who was cool and good looking and knew it too. Jules was the female version of Jacob and unfortunately we don’t get to see much of her but she is pretty similar to her original in the way that she is young, innocent, and has a major crush on Beau.

·      Like I said before, much of the content has either been re-edited or had stuff added in, which completely transforms the story into something beautifully new but still a classic. I will always love the original Twilight, but Stephenie has taken the time specially to provide her fans with content that is not exactly new or what we wanted, but it has refreshed our minds in a different way and allowed us to re-live the story that changed our lives for the better in a slightly different context. Now I will be patiently waiting for either Forever Dawn to be published or Renesmee’s and Jacob’s story to be written (which apparently Stephenie has already written a few chapters for and actually plans to come back to one day so keep your fingers crossed that it’s very soon!). Either way I’ll be happy to have more Twilight related content and more from Stephenie Meyer who is one of the most underrated authors of the 21^st century.

Things I didn’t LOVE about Life and Death…

·      Some of the content seemed a bit cheesy and not exactly as delicately written as Twilight once was. It could just be plainly because it has been at least eight years since I read Twilight with fresh eyes, not being as particularly picky as I’ve most recently become. I tried to see past it so that it would help my enjoyment of the story a little more, which seemed to work because I ended up loving it but I still had to mention it because it might be slightly annoying to others. However it is hardly a reason to not read it, it’s just my silly mind being influenced by the culture of reviewing and being overly accurate with literature. It could also be because Stephenie has had a lot longer to think about her fantasy world and come back a whole new, and much more experienced, author. Maybe she felt the mood needed to be a little lighter and not so typically old fashioned like the Brontë sisters’ or Shakespeare’s works, some of which Stephenie had been profusely influenced by originally.

·      Beau was a very fussy and clumsy male, which was a little hard for me to accept after being so used to Bella. Though this was the case, I felt like I needed to drop the expectations of perfect male characters–especially since I hardly read books with male protagonists–and realise that there are actually many males out in the real world that struggle with basic co-ordination and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder every day. Beau seemed a bit like a loose cannon though and felt he could have been a bit more respectful towards his friends. Stephenie did state that he did overthink things a lot less than Bella so maybe that was the reason he didn’t care too much about his random outbursts, saying what he truly felt rather than just quietly informing them later like Bella would to prevent a scene; Beau didn’t seem to mind the popularity as much.

·      That we’ll get no more of Beau and Edythe! For once I actually enjoyed reading about the love interest (I wasn’t ever Team Edward or Team Jacob – I was Team Bella haha) so it’s a little disappointing that this is all we get of their story. It is no secret that the possibility of Renesmee happening in their reality is officially void due to the fact that Edythe’s vampire body would not be able to change like Bella’s human one. I’d love to read some fan-fiction just to continue on the feels, but I know in my heart that it would feel wrong as Beau and Edythe belong to Stephenie and no one else. I’d rather leave their story where she left them – you never know what she may decide in the future. I mean, we never saw this novel coming, right? So yeah, now I’m Team Edythe and I’m totally fine with it.

I have decided to give this book a 4.9 out of 5 stars. What, no 5 stars, Ella? Are you serious? Well I did say that I wanted to remain as a reliable reviewer and be completely honest about how I felt about the book. There is always going to be something about a book that isn’t perfect or up to everyone’s standard but I feel like if you enjoy a book enough from its plot, characters, themes, and vibe, then that is totally fine. With Life and Death, I wanted to enjoy it and then try think back about the things I didn’t quite like, rather than going in with a critiquing mind, which might have ruined everything for me. It’s hard to remember to enjoy a book when you know you’re just going to have to let the world know your thoughts afterwards but at least with passion and the thrill of a read, you can easily write a review off of that – unfortunately writing about the spoilers can’t exactly help your case, especially when they’re the reason the book was so good (Yes, I’m still trying to explain to you why it is a perfectly good idea that you go buy the book now and read it. * Links are below if you decide to do so!).

So now that the excitement of the gender-swapped reimagined version of Twilight is over, it is time for me to start another book of Stephenie’s - a highly anticipated sci-fi thriller novel called The Chemist. It is the first book of her third YA series and I am super excited to read something new and read a genre I don’t normally pick up. Here’s to an author who started her career thanks to the inkling of a dream and decided that she would continue writing no matter what anyone thought of her. I guess there is really no shortage of inspirational authors in the world for me to follow after!

Thank you Hachette NZ for the review copy!

Like and follow their links here:

Official Website: hachette.co.nz

Twitter: https://twitter.com/HachetteNZ

Go add Life and Death to your Goodreads list HERE

Go buy it on MightyApe with 1 day delivery in New Zealand HERE

Buy it on Book Depository with free shipping world wide HERE
Find it on the Hachette NZ website HERE

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